So most of you know I have been trying to get pregnant. It's been almost 15 months of tryin. Every new month I figure how far apart Mia and my unborn baby would be if I happened to get pregnant in that month. Each month the gap gets bigger and I get more afraid that I won't be able to have as many kids as I originally thought. A few months ago I felt resigned, I decided to give up on getting pregnant. I was tired of the roller coaster of emotions, the heartbreak of getting your period, having envy towards all the pregnant girls I know, and seeing babies that I wished were mine. I was just so done and over it. I lost hope.
It's an unnerving thing to lose hope. Because really if we lose hope, what do we have to live for? I am lucky to have an amazing husband who did not and probably never will lose hope and fortunately he was able to instill it back in me. I have read a couple of books lately that have mentioned hope. When you go through a difficult trial and lose hope, the trial gets the best of you rather than making you a better person. So now I have hope that we will get pregnant again. I was telling my sister Tara the other day that it is difficult to feel like you are being denied one of the greatest blessing we get in life. But I just have to keep thinking that there is some important reason that we all go through this, me and the millions of women who are trying to get pregnant. There is such an amazing support group of women out there who are having a hard time. So, when I occasionally bring up infertility I hope it will give a little bit of hope to everyone out there who has a hard time.
Love Always,
Miche
