So most of you know I have been trying to get pregnant. It's been almost 15 months of tryin. Every new month I figure how far apart Mia and my unborn baby would be if I happened to get pregnant in that month. Each month the gap gets bigger and I get more afraid that I won't be able to have as many kids as I originally thought. A few months ago I felt resigned, I decided to give up on getting pregnant. I was tired of the roller coaster of emotions, the heartbreak of getting your period, having envy towards all the pregnant girls I know, and seeing babies that I wished were mine. I was just so done and over it. I lost hope.
It's an unnerving thing to lose hope. Because really if we lose hope, what do we have to live for? I am lucky to have an amazing husband who did not and probably never will lose hope and fortunately he was able to instill it back in me. I have read a couple of books lately that have mentioned hope. When you go through a difficult trial and lose hope, the trial gets the best of you rather than making you a better person. So now I have hope that we will get pregnant again. I was telling my sister Tara the other day that it is difficult to feel like you are being denied one of the greatest blessing we get in life. But I just have to keep thinking that there is some important reason that we all go through this, me and the millions of women who are trying to get pregnant. There is such an amazing support group of women out there who are having a hard time. So, when I occasionally bring up infertility I hope it will give a little bit of hope to everyone out there who has a hard time.
Love Always,
Miche
5 comments:
Miche, it's good to hear you talk about this publicly, as difficult as it may be. You put it beautifully. I think it does give others hope to simply hear they are not alone. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this, it's one of the most difficult trials I believe a woman can go through. I love you tons. XOXO,
We just got the new ensign and there is a big article about infertility in there, you should check it out. I know the difficulty that this trial brings although I think people must look at me and think I can't stop getting pregnant! I think it is the hardest trial and greatest heartbreak a woman can experience. Did you read cjane when she was dealing with infertility? Also, did you know she's now prego with #3! I know it seems like it will never happen and it's incredibly hard to be surrounded by pregnant people and babies but hang in there, keep the faith (you are just being perfected!)
Miche, this made me think of Mormon and the verse where he talks about praying for his people without faith. He didn't expect that they would get the blessings because he knew how they were, but he was still praying. I think that you are having that same attitude, perseverance, and those blessing will come as you keep praying and keep trying. Besides there are worse things than trying to get pregant (this is a thinly veiled innuendo)...
Michelle, a little bird in the back of my mind told me you were having these feelings. Hope is one of the most important things to keep. Don't give up! I'm sure Dan likes to hear that. This is just a little trial for you. I remember thinking we would never get Vaughn. He was the longest break, but worth the wait. I think Kindra and Vaughn have similar feelings .
Hey Mich! I think I know what might be happening! You see, your kids are up in Heaven fighting over who comes next. They just haven't resolved it yet. Grandma Wright is there and she would knock their heads together for you, but they only have spirit bodies. Don't worry, they'll figure it out soon! Love ya tons! :)
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