Happy Birthday Mother Dear!

Mom at her birthday party two years ago.

It's our Mom's birthday today. We are pretty grateful when these roll around each year considering that just over 2 years ago we almost lost her and didn't get to celebrate any more of them. You see, two years ago in February our mother found out she had a brain tumor located behind her left ear. Within two weeks of discovering it they operated to remove it. The day after the surgery she suffered some severe complications which caused her to be in a coma for a week. She spent the next two months in the hospital recovering. We weren't sure if she would live and if she did we weren't sure how much of our "mother" we would have. You can read more about it here and here.

The top picture was taken over a month after her surgery and we were celebrating her birthday in the hospital. I hope she doesn't hate me for posting this picture but I think it will help people realize just how close we came to losing our mother and just how far she's come from that time. To see her today, you almost wouldn't be able to tell what she's been through. It is a great testament to me of the power of prayer and of the miracle of the body and the brain, it has been fascinating to watch her heal these past two years. We all loved our mother dearly before this happened but we are ever so grateful that we still have her in our lives today.

She is the kind of person who loves life and lives it fully, she works SO hard to regain her strength and balance and memory. She is so loving and kind and funny and spiritual. One nice thing about her since her tumor is I feel like she is more thoughful now (not that she wasn't before, but everyday life was more in the way prior to her tumor, and post-tumor she realizes how truly fragile life is). She goes out of her way to tell people how much she appreciates and loves them, and personally I think she's a better listener (granted- she may not remember what you said the next day... haha! Just a little teasing since her memory isn't as great as it used to be).

One of the things that I love the most about my mom is how understanding she is of me. She knows exactly what it is like to raise a large family and deal with all the struggles and trials that can bring and she is the one person in my life who gets me. Thank you, Mom! I love you more than you know and I am so deeply grateful you are still here with us, words cannot even express. We Wright Girls are all who we are because of our mother. Happy Birthday Mom! Here's to many, many more! Love you!

Mom and Dad with me and my family this past Sunday. (Doesn't she look great? Don't look me and my huge belly, just look at my mother!)

I wanted to rip my hair out

Growing up, I can remember lots of times that we kids made our Mom want to rip her hair out. It could have been anything from:
*Me and Britny fighting (which we did daily, maybe hourly, and they were also more like full on brawls)
*Having an extremely messy room (She would always say, "I'm gonna break my neck in here")
*Or spilling our cold cereal on the couch in the tv room (I can't tell you how many times my parents tried to implement not eating in there)
*One time my brother Vaughn spilled something on their carpet and cleaned it up with bleach (he obviously wasn't aware of it at the time), so they had a big white stain on the blue carpet in their room

A lot of these moments make me laugh now but I know they really frustrated my Mom at the time. Oh the joys of having seven kids.

Yesterday while sitting at the computer I turned around to find Mia doing this:



Yikes! I definitely wanted to scream. But I just marched that girl right up to the bathroom to give her a bath. Cleaning up peanut butter is no easy feat, so I learned. Of course today I can laugh about it. It's moments like these that make me feel more like my mother and then it makes me feel more appreciative.

PS-I just wanted to give a shout out to her because tomorrow is her Birthday! Love you Mom! You are the most kind, loving, hard working, charitable, spiritual, all around amazing woman I know.
Muah!

A Favorite Bored Pastime

OMG!

Sometimes when I am bored I think of dumb blog names and then I type the address in to see if they do actually exist. I do not search them first, just type the name in and see what I find. You'd be surprised.

Here are a few I have found lately: (Most of them are not worth clicking on.)

iliketoeat.blogspot.com (this one has a funny title page)

whattheheck.blogspot.com

iworrytoomuch.blogspot.com (private)

dearfuturewife.blogspot.com (I can see a romanitc comedy spark just from the title of this blog.)

thatswhatshesaid.blogspot.com

keepswimming.blogspot.com (I had just finished watching Nemo)

dropitlikeitshot.blogspot.com

whofarted.blogspot.com

Ijustfarted.blogpsot.com (click on the link for a laugh)

Of course, I stuck with the blogger domain. ;)
Lucky for me these ones are still available:

wheelwatcher.blogspot.com
nateberkuslover.blogspot.com
wesleyismyman.blogspot.com

The Judging Post

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them." -Mother Theresa

All day long we make judgements. Eliza expanded her feelings on a Mother's guilt in her recent post,  and Aliece talked about accepting herself, all along the same lines of not judging ourselves. I am encouraged to hear my sisters' wisdom and maturity. It inspires me to try to get to the same place. Recently I have been working on paying attention to the judgement language I hear from myself and others. It is everywhere...the good, the bad, the 'should' and 'should nots'.

If I know my family like I think I do they will take the judgement issue and play devil's advocate. This topic evokes such emotion. The judgement issue can be a complex one because on one hand we hear, "Don't judge," and then on the other spectrum, "Use good judgement." Even the scriptures can seemingly contradict themselves at times telling us to not judge others, as well as to use righteous judgement. I am referring to the judgement Satan uses as his tool to bring down others. It wasn't until recently that I took a step back to analyze my judgements that I realized how often and easily I fall into the judgement trap. Why not instead, simply draw a conclusion, without judging it bad or good? Why do we as humans (especially women) feel the need to label it one way or another? It seems so often as women the person we judge most often and most harshly is ourselves. I cannot tell you how sad this makes me feel. I know so many inspirational women, who fall victim to the plague of judgement.

So how do we change it? I know, it's so much easier said than done. However, with mindful thinking we can catch ourselves and give ourselves and others a break. Mindfulness creates choice in the situations. It's like The Power of Now. (Highly recommend that book) When we are mindfully living in the moment it also allows us to use our intuitions. A thought is just a thought, not a factual piece of concrete evidence, and there is freedom in that statement. We can acknowledge the good and the bad without judging it.When I am aware of the moment, a certain peace and calmness guides me. I only wish it were so easy to maintain. I love the quote by Mother Theresa, "If you jugde people, you have no time to love them." I think it most importantly applies to ourselves.

Ok, now that my brain hurts from all this thinking I am going to go eat a Snickers ice cream bar, and not judge myself.

Just Being Me!

Sometimes I get caught up in trying to be an ideal. Or beat myself up for not fitting in. I realize my strengths and weaknesses and I really don't like some of my weaknesses. For instance, I am constantly trying to be organized. I have a girlfriend who was born-organized; I was not. I was born wanting to be organized! I realized this truth and it has brought me some comfort. I am different. Not a glaring, first impression, strange different, I don't think.

I've known this since high school, my girlfriends told me. I didn't connect with them like they did with each other. It's the same with my sisters. They are all quite crafty. (I am some what anti-craft, just not my forte.) I limit such projects. They are voracious fiction readers. I haven't read fiction since college. I am into non-fiction, self-help type books. (I get that from my dad.) Strange, I know. I am also fashion-challenged. I have the least amount of fashion sense in my family, my husband agrees. Mom has told me I dress older than she does. I have called Michelle and described my outfit to her (before camera phones were so prevalent) to see if I was okay to wear the ensemble. I consult my 10 year old daughter often for her budding fashionista approval. I think I have gotten better. I gave away the top that I think got that comment from my mom. But, at the same time, I have embraced my unique sense of style. For my birthday I decided I wanted a pair of Birkenstock sandals. I had a pair in high school. They were somewhat popular back then. Still, different. But, I love my Birks! I have been wearing them all around, even just around the house. I am embracing my uniqueness, in a new way. And I am loving it!

Book Review- Midwives

I recently read Midwives by Chris Bohjalian on the recommendation of my sister Tara. It's always surprising to me to read a book from a woman's point of view written by a man. And actually from the point of view of a teenage girl. She is relating the story of a delivery by her midwife mother gone bad and how if affected all of their lives. It was definitely an interesting read especially considering the fact that I have 5 children, all delivered in a hospital, and am currently pregnant.

I will admit that the first 100 pages or so, while the story was developing, were fairly graphic and somewhat difficult for me as a pregnant woman to digest. But, once I got past that part I found the story engaging and intriguing and I finished the book pretty quickly. In my opinion it wasn't an "I can't put this book down" type of book but it was good and I did enjoy it.

My knowledge of midwives is probably average as far as the profession goes so I loved getting to read more in detail some of what they experience during the prenatal and birthing process. Honestly, I've never really considered using a midwife in my own life but the whole situation is extremely fascinating to me. I say, to each her own when it comes to childbirth, although I will admit to thinking that some women are crazy to want to have a child at home. I have certain fears of birthing complications and my mind feels more at ease delivering in a hospital with a doctor who is capable of performing emergency surgery if so needed. Let's face it, how many thousands of women and babies have died during childbirth without the miracles of modern medicine? That being said, I do wonder what it would be like to deliver a baby at home without any medication or monitors to aid in the process and when I hear other women talk of the experience it does pique my curiosity, but not enough to actually go through with it (or give up that sweet epidural).

Anyway, I do recommend this book to anyone who has ever had a child or who hopes to one day have a child or who has found themselves intrigued with the process of childbirth and midwifery. I'm not sure that many men would find this book interesting although I could be completely wrong on this. Except for my husband who frequently comments on the books that I check out for him by saying, "I think this is more along the lines of something YOU would read."

We like meat

Dan and I recently bought half of a cow, a butchered cow that is. I really hope that there are no Indians reading this right now because I am pretty sure cows are sacred in India. Somehow I feel like I fit in more here in Rexburg now that we did this. Because not only is it a college town, there are also a number of farmers and hick type people that live here. Don't believe me? All you have to do is go to a rodeo at the fairgrounds on the 4th of July and you will see for yourself. Just a random fact: Rexburg is estimated to be 95% LDS, I found that out on Wikipedia. (I randomly decided to search Rexburg, Idaho in Wikipedia and I found it quite interesting.) Anyway back to our cow. Dan took on the task of naming her Griselda. I know it's so morbid, and no this is not an actual picture of our cow.

Picture Via Google

It came out to be about $2.30 per pound and that includes our steaks and roasts as well, altogether about 200 hundred pounds of meat. We were also fortunate to be offered the opportunity of doing this by Dan's friend/coworker, so that is why we only bought half of one. Also they are storing it for us in their deep freezer so that's pretty sweet. It's great because, it's lean, tender, fresh, and I know where it came from. So much better than anything I have ever bought from the grocery store. So we had my in-laws over to meet Griselda. Boy were the bbq hamburgers delicious. We are pretty much a fan of anything bbq over here.

PS-Dan had steak for break fast twice this week. Oh you know it's just an "udder" day here at the Toone's casa.

Mom Guilt

A recent moment of guilt-free motherhood

My oldest just turned 12 and I'm expecting baby #6 in a few months. I feel like I'm walking this fine line of being a "more mature" mother and yet still being a mother of young kids. I don't have teenagers yet but I've been doing this mothering thing for awhile so I should feel more like a pro, right? I don't. Sometimes I wonder what other people think of me. Do they think "that woman is crazy" or something like "wow, how does she do it all?" Honestly, I never feel like I do it all and quite often I do feel crazy!

Granted, I don't have 10 kids or anything but some people's reactions to five can be a bit overwhelming. I don't think that mothering such a large family is as hard as most people think it is. Wait a minute, maybe I'm doing something wrong? Maybe it should be harder and I'm just missing something. I mean I get it, there are plenty of things I should be doing that I don't, but why should I beat myself up over all the areas I fall short (and there are many). As mothers don't we spend enough time feeling guilty for all the things we do wrong or don't do at all? I look at my kids and while they are normal kids (by normal I mean fight like the dickens with their siblings, play too many video games, complain about chores, throw tantrums, etc.), they are also really good kids who excel in school, don't really get into any trouble at all, make friends easily (most of them, anyway) and I hope one day they will contribute productively to society. And so I say- guilt be gone! I'm tired of feeling bad or worrying about what other people think. I'm doing ok, and I'm ok with that, for now it's good enough for me. No More Mom Guilt.

Can you see the pouting pre-teen in the background? Nope, not suffering any guilt over this incident.

You see that tantrum throwing two year old on the end? Yep, he cried the whole time while riding on Dumbo during a recent trip to Disneyland. I mean, I didn't know that was allowed at the Happiest Place on Earth. He even threw his hat into the water below.

The Germaphobe Post

I am not a germaphobe by nature, but my husband has become one. He says it happened after taking  Microbiology. They studied lost of germs in that class, so much so that he really doesn't eat chicken anymore. It makes my life and cooking tons of fun. In fact, everytime I'm in the kitchen he asks in a panicky voice, "Did you wash your hands???" It is rather insulting.

He also uses his new profound philosophy of fearing germs to get out of wiping our girls' dirty little bums. Hmmm. I swear he's more afraid of germs than almost anything, like even public speaking. I like to scare him and say things like, "Oh, she just went to the bathroom and didn't wash her hands." After he shakes someones hand or something like that. It usually ends with his freak out face, which appears along the lines of something like this:

Well, maybe that is his get-the-H-outta-my-way-move-NOW-face, but it's similar to his freak-out-germ face.

Anyway, I am deviating from the subject at hand. Here are a couple of my favorite Germ eliminating products: Can anyone live without these anymore? They are my go to product that makes cleaning the bathroom a lot faster and stress free.

And an absolute must have for every Mom or Germaphobe's purse/fanny pack is this hand sanitizer. I even like it better than Bath & Body Works:

Let me tell you about this germ fighting bad boy. First of all he smells great! He's alcohol free! That's a big deal to me, because my hands are dry enough already, oh and it won't burn my little one's cuts or scrapes they might have. It's a foaming pump, which I love. It's also flammabe free, which hey, you never know. And best of all, it's reasonably priced! Find it at Wal-Mart.

The Scary Thing About Resigning

So most of you know I have been trying to get pregnant. It's been almost 15 months of tryin. Every new month I figure how far apart Mia and my unborn baby would be if I happened to get pregnant in that month. Each month the gap gets bigger and I get more afraid that I won't be able to have as many kids as I originally thought. A few months ago I felt resigned, I decided to give up on getting pregnant. I was tired of the roller coaster of emotions, the heartbreak of getting your period, having envy towards all the pregnant girls I know, and seeing babies that I wished were mine. I was just so done and over it. I lost hope.

It's an unnerving thing to lose hope. Because really if we lose hope, what do we have to live for? I am lucky to have an amazing husband who did not and probably never will lose hope and fortunately he was able to instill it back in me. I have read a couple of books lately that have mentioned hope. When you go through a difficult trial and lose hope, the trial gets the best of you rather than making you a better person. So now I have hope that we will get pregnant again. I was telling my sister Tara the other day that it is difficult to feel like you are being denied one of the greatest blessing we get in life. But I just have to keep thinking that there is some important reason that we all go through this, me and the millions of women who are trying to get pregnant. There is such an amazing support group of women out there who are having a hard time. So, when I occasionally bring up infertility I hope it will give a little bit of hope to everyone out there who has a hard time.

Photo via Google

Love Always,
Miche

I Am A Girl - The Girls With Glasses Theme Song

For my Brooke White loving sisters...



Makes me wanna get about 10 new pairs of glasses, and all of their clothes.